How Courtesy Saved a City

And I think it will save me

You Know When You Are Welcome

“It’s mighty hot for you folks to be walking around.  How about I get you a bottle of cold water?” an elderly black woman called out from her wooden porch in Beaufort, South Carolina.

Somewhat startled, I said, “What a kind offer. Thank you, but we have some water right here in my tote,” holding it up for her to see.

Her thoughtfulness made me want to linger and talk.  “What a beautiful town. Have you lived in Beaufort all your life?” I asked. 

“Lord yes,” she said, “I can’t imagine living anywhere else. I know most of the people and they know me. ‘Cept the new people who come from places like New Jersey.  Came on vacation and stayed.  That’s okay. I guess it’s one big compliment.”

Glen and I stepped into her yard, under the shade of a sprawling live oak, closer to hear her soft voice. 

“Come sit awhile with me on the veranda.  Rest your feet while I bring out something cold.”

The porch, I mean… veranda, looked mighty inviting, but I explained that we didn’t have long to explore.  “We arrived by boat and are tied up at the Beaufort city dock.  We have to leave before low tide.” Glancing at my watch, “We only have one hour and then we’ll be like those folks that like it so well they can’t leave,” I said with a smile.

“That’s okay. Y’all can stay,” she said laughing. “Remember, you can always come back.  Enjoy our town and be safe in that boat,” she said, rocking and waving goodbye.

Verandas are made for visiting

The woman on the veranda had made us feel welcome.  As though we mattered, even in a town where we knew no one.  That’s what kind and courteous gestures can do. Make people feel as though they matter. And every encounter in Georgia and South Carolina has been graced with a little something extra.  Small town folks along the way in what they call the Low Country, have been curious about why we came their way. They have taken time out of their lives to talk to us and we do the same, describing our Great Loop boating adventure.

“So there’s a Great Big Loop of water right here in America,” said a gentleman in Isle of Hope, Georgia. “Well, I’ve lived here all my life and didn’t know this river starts all the way up in Canada. That sounds grand.”  

It’s been much the same in South Carolina. Strangers smile at us on the street, hold doors, call us and each other sir and ma’am… Their extreme courtesy has been astonishing, and their gestures of care have made Glen and me feel special.  Such acts niggled the distant memory of a banner on the wall of Mrs Tinker’s fifth grade class, “Courtesy costs nothing and pays big dividends.”

When I read those words at age 10, I thought it was just a different way of telling us to behave.  But now I understand it differently.  Courtesy is a way to show respect to others. In fifth grade classroom speak, to keep the good vibes going. It is a way of communicating silently with others. In the past few weeks I realized that courtesy is more than being polite.  It is warm gestures given out of kindness.

Many miles back (places seem more distant in water miles), in Savannah, I had heard a story I would have liked to tell Mrs Tinker.  A tale of how courtesy had indeed paid big dividends, saving  Savanna from destruction during the Civil War. This is how it was told to us by a Southerner.   

Toward the end of the Civil War, General Sherman was waging “total war” to subdue the spirit of the Confederacy, burning towns, cities and plundering supplies as he marched.  The city of Savannah was next on his path of terror and to save their city the townspeople fell back to their secret weapon; uncommon courtesy. The mayor of Savannah rode out with a white flag, welcomed General Sherman, and offered him the most beautiful home in the grandest area of the city as lodging. General Sherman was so astonished and charmed he stayed for six weeks. And spared Savannah.

General Sherman - a tough cookie - charmed into sparing Savannah

I am learning a lot on this Great Loop adventure. Indeed, the waterways of Georgia and South Carolina with extreme 9-foot tides and 4 knot currents, have taught me a lot about navigating inland rivers and creeks   But the people of what they call the Low Country, have taught me even more; that courtesy and likeability are superpowers.  A reminder which I needed. After a year of distancing and isolation, things are normalizing.  Yet, as we are about to be free again, I have been struggling at times to make connections with others. To my great embarrassment, there have been times I failed to take the time to show care and kindness to strangers and even loved ones.  That ends now.

Since everything good in my life has come from other people, I want to make sure that I do my part to keep those positive feelings circulating.  And I can do that. At first it will take mindfulness, being ever on the lookout for opportunities to listen and show respect for people around me. Initially, I will need to remind myself to slow down, be helpful and make small courteous gestures. But then, like the kind and gentle woman on her porch in South Carolina, it will become automatic.  And like the city of Savannah, it will save me as well.

As Mrs Tinker, my fourth- grade teacher said, courtesy costs nothing and pays big dividends.

Thank you for sharing my journey! xo Julie

Glen - My Own Strong Oak